The world has not slowed in its trouble, dis-ease or challenge.
There’s a lot ON which means there’s a lot ON in our kids’ inner world, whether they’re talking about it or not.
In Western society, the norm often feels like delegating our offspring onto others, something to the tune of “they have friends, they’ll get the help or conversation they need there”, or let’s send them off to a therapist or school will help or maybe it’s time to pop a pill (btw, all of which are perhaps perfect or part, depending on the situation, child or person)…but it/they are not the only things or people our younger humans need. None can do the big and beautiful job alone of loving our kids.
And none of it is a substitute for what you & I can do to keep them feeling connected to themselves through their connection with US (through our seeing of them ~> communication & affection, specifically).
What our kids need most is for us to be part their medicine/part their ‘therapy’ & it means this ~> embark on the healing journey with them because you, too (we) are all healing all the time. That’s what life is! 🙂
Which means — talk to them & give them affection. Even when they don’t want to talk. Even when it seems like they do not the want the physical expression of love.
This doesn’t necessarily mean ask a ton of questions, but storytell…tell them about you & what’s happening right now (we learn the human emotional & social things from our parents, even as we get much older), tell them stories, too, that are joyful that have nothing to do with what’s happening right now and tell them lots of stories of how you have made it through hard times, stress, grief & anxiety.
“I know this is a tough time (for you) & we’re going to get through it. I’m here for you” also goes a long way.
Affect them by showing them affection. All forms of touch are silent gifts that help ailments & move us toward all sorts of healing.
Mainly — sharing, storytelling & affection are ways for us to show them this ~> compassion, and most of all, I think what happens when we engage in these things is that we express to them they are not alone (say those words!) & THAT can be everything.
Even if they’re quiet or they say that they don’t want it or need it, whether that is conversation or a hug, they’re right. They don’t need IT, they need both!!!
Keep. Doing. It. Keep talking. Keep rubbing their backs or giving them spontaneous hugs.
Any reluctance you feel to do it (any of the above), to talk or bring anything up…to get close etc is part YOUR healing. Though we cannot fix this or that for them, we can begin to “fix” modeling or nurturing emotional security. Do this by normalizing how much our families talk and physically connect with one another.
Let’s make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…
To the best of the rest of your life!
Life is good.