Their Time, Not Ours

“I don’t want to be and I don’t GET to be in my own “stuff” on Nolan’s time!”

That’s what I said to a friend recently, when we were talking about parenthood ~> as parents, let’s make sure our inner wounded kid is NOT the one raising our kids.

Every morning, we do GET to recommit to seeing or feeling what ails us and walk straight into dismantling it, or making clearer sense of it so that we don’t pass that particular “work”, trauma or ancestral wounding to our kids…period, end of story (and we do want it to be period & the end of the generational story in most cases).

Carve out the time to continually be doing your work on YOUR stuff, so you’re not acting out the wounding or trouble from LONG ago on their time / in their life or in their relationship with you (have it be instead what it’s meant to to be ~> brand new and ah filled with equilibrium, openness, wonder and pure, like you’re creating an entirely new relationship with new rules, new mutual respect, a new healthy love and new spirit baked into every ounce than maybe you grew up with?).

We want to pass down a lot to our kids and trouble and/or our trauma ain’t two of those things. 😉

It’s not theirs to do with or deal with, it’s ours to handle and the great thing is that we have the capacity for it.

They’re so worth it…as are you, as are you!!

(the younger Nolan in these pics or the older Nolan IRL is the best!).

Let’s make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…

To the best of the rest of your life!

Life is good.

“Our” Kids Belong To LIFE

CELEBRATING—I understood the assignment!

In May, in the US, we celebrate the mother and in June we celebrate the father, but hot damn if parents and mothers (moms, you carry a very specific mother load!) shouldn’t celebrate EVERY hot chance we get.

After having dropped Nolan off a couple hours away here in Mexico, I’m 💃🏽 celebrating that I get it.

He belongs to life…

And I LOVE that. True, freeing, joyful.

We dropped him off at his second conservancy project a couple days ago (the first one last July at an animal conservancy in Kenya…I didn’t sleep the night before because I was so nervous putting my child on a bus on iffy roads for four hours from Nairobi (the org’s bus, mind you, but still), but he was ready, so…ready Josh and I had to be!

At this point, they genuinely belong to life, not to us (it was an illusion anyway, they never “belonged” to us)…”my kid(s)” or “our kids” is more “these people who came from me/from us, but who are not “mine/or ours”.

For this letting go in parenthood in excitement vs nerves, I celebrate and for what it means to be the parent of a young adult and the pride held around who that young adult is, and that through the challenges we all go through and that’s he’s experienced, he perseveres and moves to his own beat (auténtico), I celebrate!

This week, he’s in mama ocean scuba diving her waters and doing marine conservation.

I share this here, but best of all, deeply internalizing this moment of feeling more ready and understanding of THE assignment.

Thank you, life for the maneuvering of all your waters, throughout the whole of my own life, for it’s clicked. 😉

In gratitude, too, for almost 17 years of the grand gift of motherhood and of the equal gift of togetherness — and that through the bobbing and swimming of both buoyant and tiring waters, we are WE.

*We* weave and swim it all as individuals, but together — together, but as individuals.

Moms, maybe, this is our *collective* assignment and celebration…
we are individuals, but, together!

They belong (we all belong) to LIFE.

Let’s make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…

To the best of the rest of your life!

Life is good.

Blocks Behind Me I Went Into Labor

Blocks behind me, I went into labor. Blocks in front of me I would park my bike, mode of transport, in front of the studio I rented each month with other creatives. Across the street and to my right was the Anne Frank House that I would never tire passing by.

And right smack in the middle of my being, an insatiable desire to create what I want to be a part of.

That’s what couture happiness means, it’s about crafting a life there’s only one of. Sometimes it means you need to leave all you know and start anew…(let’s go).

Let’s make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…

To the best of the rest of your life!

Life is good!

Who I Give Affection To

The world has not slowed in its trouble, dis-ease or challenge.

There’s a lot ON which means there’s a lot ON in our kids’ inner world, whether they’re talking about it or not.

In Western society, the norm often feels like delegating our offspring onto others, something to the tune of “they have friends, they’ll get the help or conversation they need there”, or let’s send them off to a therapist or school will help or maybe it’s time to pop a pill (btw, all of which are perhaps perfect or part, depending on the situation, child or person)…but it/they are not the only things or people our younger humans need. None can do the big and beautiful job alone of loving our kids.

And none of it is a substitute for what you & I can do to keep them feeling connected to themselves through their connection with US (through our seeing of them ~> communication & affection, specifically).

What our kids need most is for us to be part their medicine/part their ‘therapy’ & it means this ~> embark on the healing journey with them because you, too (we) are all healing all the time. That’s what life is! 🙂

Which means — talk to them & give them affection. Even when they don’t want to talk. Even when it seems like they do not the want the physical expression of love.

This doesn’t necessarily mean ask a ton of questions, but storytell…tell them about you & what’s happening right now (we learn the human emotional & social things from our parents, even as we get much older), tell them stories, too, that are joyful that have nothing to do with what’s happening right now and tell them lots of stories of how you have made it through hard times, stress, grief & anxiety.

“I know this is a tough time (for you) & we’re going to get through it. I’m here for you” also goes a long way.

Affect them by showing them affection. All forms of touch are silent gifts that help ailments & move us toward all sorts of healing.

Mainly — sharing, storytelling & affection are ways for us to show them this ~> compassion, and most of all, I think what happens when we engage in these things is that we express to them they are not alone (say those words!) & THAT can be everything.

Even if they’re quiet or they say that they don’t want it or need it, whether that is conversation or a hug, they’re right. They don’t need IT, they need both!!!

Keep. Doing. It. Keep talking. Keep rubbing their backs or giving them spontaneous hugs.

Any reluctance you feel to do it (any of the above), to talk or bring anything up…to get close etc is part YOUR healing. Though we cannot fix this or that for them, we can begin to “fix” modeling or nurturing emotional security. Do this by normalizing how much our families talk and physically connect with one another.

Let’s make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…

To the best of the rest of your life!

Life is good.

Post Navigation