Sure; start with the negative!

In the worlds of biz coaching, yoga teacher training and parenting we are told the way to communicate effectively (inspire the best in another) is to share what you WANT someone to do vs what you DON’T want them to do.

“Don’t round your back” in yoga would be “Remember to keep the length in your spine” and “Don’t run” in the parenting of an active, accident-prone six year old might be “I would like for you to walk next to me and hold my hand“. Please and thank you’s of course are sprinkled throughout as is an understanding that choosing our words and intentions wisely help to create a clarity in-relationship. Phrasing things “in the positive” also helps create an image the person we’re engaged with can actually hold onto. Powerful.

Now, there’s always exceptions to a rule…

And didn’t Buddha say to travel the middle path and avoid a life of extremes?

With that said, I say this may be the only phrase I believe in using and repeating (hello mantra/Momtra) that’s not “in the positive”:

Don’t import other people’s limitations //// Do brand your life as one that’s led by your drive and desires.

What to do when they say…

What to do when others tell you it’s not possible, it won’t work or it’s too late:

Mistakes Schmakes

An article written originally for www.tinybuddha.com

“When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.” ~Unknown

The spiral staircase has always intrigued the yogi-designer in me. The visual draw, similarity to DNA, and cosmic patterns, as well as its mathematical genius could be enough, but the structure can also mean more.

Picture yourself tripping up in work, life, or love. You’ve made a mistake, said the wrong thing, or didn’t come through with your end of the bargain.

You think: How did I let that happen? I can’t believe I did that, AGAIN. If only I could rewind.

These aren’t the greatest feelings—it’s true. However, we live our lives in irony. Though we dislike how we feel having just tripped-up, we continue to beat ourselves up way after the fact.

We cause our own suffering. Furthermore, we seem to forget that when we make mistakes, we grow. An atmosphere of growth is integral to happiness. So create happiness by seeing mistakes as true growth opportunities.

Although yoga, psychology, and conventional wisdom about parenthood scream at us to live in the moment, I say we are not just the present moment.

We are very much our past in the most rich and helpful way. We can use past mistakes to yield a shiny new perspective and, in turn, create a new outcome.

If we allow them, our mistakes can fuel our awareness. In helping us decide how to act and react in a fresh and fruitful way, they can bring us closer to happiness and further away from (causing our own) suffering.

Picture a most beautiful spiral staircase in Rome, Paris, London, NYC, or Barcelona. Visualize its ample room.

Now visualize yourself on this staircase, midway up. You’re accomplished. You’ve come all this way. Look up at where you’re going and down at where you’ve come from. Peek around and up at the spirals of stair above; over and down at the spirals below.

Now comes the part that we don’t like that’s part of being human.

You’ve suddenly tripped up and missed a step, and you’ve probably done something similar before. Look down at your feet. Yes, you are here, right now, and it’s close to before—but, not exactly.

You are wiser today than yesterday. Though you might feel bad because you’re encountering the same or similar problem, this time it’s with a different view and varied perspective.

Accept where you are. You will immediately suffer less. Remember this is merely one moment in time. It only defines you and your worth if you choose to make it a defining moment.

Look down the middle of the staircase at what you’ve ascended. Keep hold on this view of yourself and see where you are now in comparison.

Yes, this human moment has come to find you again, but you’re now higher up and can respond from a different place, literally, figuratively, emotionally, and intellectually.

Ask yourself: How can I respond from this higher place instead of causing myself pain?

Welcome to your new spiral staircase-inspired mantra: I have a view. I hold wisdom. I use both.

Think it. Say it. Act on it. Let it create your new character.

I’ve practiced this mantra and used the visual of a staircase for a long time; however, it’s newest for one particular aspect of life these last two years.

In sports and yoga I have always asked a lot of myself. I’ve competed with myself and failed to listen to my body.

I journeyed close to one year+ with a sports hernia, then chronic SI / low back issues, and a tear of my adductor during a restorative yoga pose (of all times). I could go on about my wrists, my left shoulder, my neck, and the running injuries, but I think you get the picture.

I did an A+ job at beating myself up, which only added to the extreme sadness of not being active each time I made myself suffer.

But that was then and this is now. I now have wisdom that has changed the way I treat my body. I have proven that I can be gentle (to myself) but still strong.

Also, I have learned an insane amount about the human body. Though I still like to push when I know it is “healthy” to do so, I assess from that higher place. I assess where I’ve been, where I am, where I really want to go, and how I want to feel.

On that next spiral up I remind myself there’s no final or “perfect” destination off the staircase of life. It is merely a journey with many similar situations. However, with growing wisdom and a richer perspective, we are better able to deal, enjoy ourselves, and suffer less.

It’s freeing to know that we are acting from a more intelligent place today versus yesterday, don’t you think?

As I sit here typing while icing tendonitis in both arms, I challenge you to give yourself a break next time. Woe is not you. Wisdom is.

Here are five ways to change your perspective:

1. Find strength in the visual of a staircase.

Make it your new BFF. Yes, you’re confronting something similar again, but this time it’s higher up the staircase. Trust and respond from this place. Ask yourself: How can I react differently this time given the learning from last time?

2. Remember that everything transforms.

Connect with the fact that with up comes down, with light comes darkness. With down comes up, with darkness comes light.

When you find yourself smack in the middle of a day filled with disequilibrium, remember that your equilibrium must be right around the corner. Trust in the flow of your life and that of the universe.

3. Adopt a growth mindset.

Accept the idea of a failure en route to your goals. In essence, plan for some roadblocks, nod when they come (you knew they were coming), and move on as quickly as possible.

If you Google more on a growth mindset, you’ll see the myriad of benefits it has for your continued success in all aspects of life. Exhibit the mindset in your thoughts, words, and actions, and teach it your kids.

4. Practice saying “I’m sorry,” especially to those you wouldn’t normally say it to.

Saying these words filled with meaning forces you to move from your comfort zone and look at things from a different side. Healthy, yes, but more importantly, it also brings you closer to the people who make life worth living.

5. Do a headstand or down dog.

Here’s another instant way to change your perspective. It’s difficult to feel and see things the same way if you’re upside down.

Namaste. And remember, when in doubt, take the spiral staircase. It really is the most pleasant route. (See you there)

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. ~ Samuel Beckett

Photo by sjdunphy

The greatest affair is to move!

Moving keep us young; thriving.

…movement is vital to the success and enjoyment of life. A sage poet once said The greatest affair is to move and to that I say why yes, yes it is.

June will mark a move to live and work in Amsterdam through late August. This will be the seventh move I’ve made in ten years of owning the business and contrary to popular belief, it’s been the best fuel for growing my business; growing my brand (you CAN move around and still create a thriving biz).

There really are no rules…except for those we make for ourselves. On a similar note, there’s nothing really “technical” about branding (hello, authenticity). There’s no box we need to fit ourselves in. As far as I’m concerned, moving or move-ment of any kind helps remind us of this fact. Specifically, the anonymity afforded by travel of any kind gets us out of our head and out of limitations we think may be there. For me, the anonymity found via travel and expat-living has been one of the most powerful tools in following what I want in life.

This move will also mark the fourth move my husband, son and I will make in our seven years as a threesome; it’s the third international move we’ve made. “Modern-day gypsy family”? Yes. And anonymity works wonders here too. Just as entrepreneurs do, families need time to create anew; to grow into more of who they want to be.

If necessity is the mother of invention then I say moving or movement of any kind is the mother of re-invention. Re-inventing in both business and family is juicy. Juicy, I tell you.

What do YOU want?

What do you think about all the time?

Have a business? Want to travel while you work?

Have a family? Want to show them the world?

This is how:
1. Pump up your mindset (check out the MGI “Branding is not a dirty word” article under Work & Money section on Elephant Journal). In other words, let mindset be your mojo.

2. Find your version of anonymity…create time to be in-tune. Find time alone so you can work ON the vision you have for your life; to work ON your business not just IN it.

3. Remember that your entrepreneurial fire can be used in SO many other ways than just straight up business. Use the charge and drive you have!

4. Plant the seed…this comes in the shape of discussing it with those most important to you and to those that could actually help you make it a reality.

5. Tell as many others as will listen about the desire and plan you have. Thoughts grow stronger as they are shared. Oh yes and don’t forget, we get what we focus on most of the time. Focus on what you want!

6. Look into visas, longer vacation options for your partner/spouse, work options, sign up for (video) skype and, lastly, check out www.homeexchange.com 😉 You’ll be amazed at how many YES’s you’ll get once you start asking.

If it’s not moving overseas, take similar steps to move forward on that one you think about most of the time. We forget this fact but our human purpose is to do that which we dream about; to stretch to our edges (there are scientific studies on this). Similar to yoga, the truth is the more we stretch, the better we feel both in our physical and emotional bodies (yes, even if our knees are knocking doing it).

Be moved to accomplish what you want.

And to end…a note to Moms: As I state in the how to be a Walking Momtra™ book, remember “When we focus on our happiness, we raise happiness…”. Doing what you desire is not selfish, it’s an opportunity to make the entire family ~ happy.

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Here are five ways to change your perspective:

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