At this time tomorrow, I will have been driving for two hours to a new prison. ⁣
⁣
I won’t know anyone who will have hopped in my car at 5:50am (reminds me ~ I answered a Craigslist ad 10 years ago for a runner to complete a team for Hood to Coast and ended up spending a full day and night in a sweaty van, not sleeping, but running with that crew, one of the more awesome and memorable times). ⁣
⁣
Strangers. Friends you simply haven’t met yet. ⁣
⁣
Tomorrow’s agenda is forgiveness, being impeccable with your word, depression and more (infinite gratitude, Fritzi and the Compassionate ⁣Prison Project).⁣
⁣
This photo is of sentiments shared by a few men from a previous prison visit.⁣
⁣
I am often asked why (more like WHY!!??) I would go to prison and my answer, it doesn’t come in words. It’s this —💗 .⁣
⁣
It’s the same reason I jumped with excitement to answer the Craigslist ad, tell my kid my own insecurities, let people into my lane in busy LA traffic, say hi and look into the eyes of those homeless in any city when I walk by…[or — if/when I veer from being who I really am, as quickly as possible check myself and get back to that. To 💗].⁣
⁣
Strangers. Not and never — really. There’s always something common to find inside our humanity and sweaty imperfection. ⁣
⁣
It’s in all of us. The sweaty imperfection and💗. We just get to train our imperfection(s) to use the 💗 to see the💗.

5am: Off on another ecopsychology weekend with the same guides I vision quested with. The seven month journey comes to a close in November (with the peak being the nine day quest in July). 

Today and tomorrow, we’ll do short “solo journeys” and I’m looking forward to them, as well as all else done during these weekends to bring this work to our industries (thank you to my husband for waking to make sure he dropped me off this morning — note: I’ll never forget the moment of running to each other at the meeting point post quest, both of us beginning to cry inside the embrace: “Now I can tell you, he said, I was so worried about you, worried that you’d be suffering”). 

But contrary to popular belief, there was no suffering. A little pain (expected), but no suffering. 

I can’t tell you how much I loved sharing that with him and with Nolan. Especially as I looked into my teenage boy’s face, I was so grateful to have nurtured the ability to calm myself over the years and not just because I’ve learned it in my line of work, but because real life conflict and challenge has given me the option ~ keep suffering or calm yourself…how many ways can you find to calm yourself?

How to nurture a calm nervous system, especially in this day and age, is one of THE greatest gifts we can give to ourselves and teach/model to our kids. 

From where I stand at the Alaska ticket counter, I’m evermore convinced that we need, and our kids need, more of all of this…immersions in nature and just more time spent in nature to shower ourselves of the blue light, expectations, likes and comparison, not to mention to get away from electricity and cell towers that cause dis-ease both physically and emotionally. 

Just seeing the research we do have and/or talking to today’s teens and knowing the rise of depression should have us all running for the for door — to get outside and also to bring back rites of passage to modern-day culture for our *and* our kids’ spiritual & emotional growth, confidence, connection to self and healing.

This time of morning brings me right back to waking in the wild, remembering how excited I was to start the day, but also wondering how I’d spend another 15-16 hours watching the world go by in my mind, heart and sky (or watching the ants and squirrel-like critters on the ground, which I did a lot of). 

But my main question to those who will listen to me share on the experience ~ > how could this all NOT bring joy and peace as predominant feelings, even without food, shelter or companionship?

It was a privilege. Writing that brings tears to my eyes. 

It’s true, most days over the last month, I still can’t believe that my four days of only drinking water were not painful. We are so used to food, yes, as sustenance, but also as habit or to feel good emotionally (I don’t unconsciously snack anymore, nor do I reach for the sugar in those bars ~ everything food-wise is much more conscious and this is coming from a woman who believes she WAS aware of how she used food— the fasting was a complete reset). 

But, without all the typical creature comforts (or larabars), I felt extremely well-rested, maybe more than ever (because of the fresh scat I saw around my solo site, I know bears were walking near me during the day and/or at night, but, still, the feeling was one of general peace). 

How can one explain that, other than to thank a generous mind, heart and nervous system who ALL leaned into joyyyy, as well as to recognize that nature gives, not taketh away? 

All of this — the awe — was and is real and reality, despite the feelings of #healthyfear I had a month or so before heading out with my 40+ pound pack. 

As I shared at the Greater Good Party, what I brought down from the mountain was not just more light to share with my family, community and inside my work, but the connection to this phrase: nothing true can be threatened. 

Feel free to munch on that with me. 

A short story for you before this plane takes off:

There is a Native American tale that tells of a young boy speaking with his grandmother. She tells the boy that she has the spirit of two wolves living in and battling inside her. One is vengeful and unkind as he sees the world as a threat. The other is loving, secure and nurturing. The little boy asks, which one will end up winning? The grandmother replies: whichever one I feed. 

#whicheveroneyoufeed

#whatareyoureallyhungryfor

#visionquester

#creativeheroine

#brandofwoman

Being kind, loving or spiritual does not equal allowing others to treat you unkind or unlovingly. 

In fact, it’s the opposite.

Keep lighting the path by standing up for yourself (and standing up for others who may not have/feel like they have a voice) — in the end, all of it helping those around you to rise or rise BACK to their own conscious grandeur, too.   

Being that beautiful vessel available for love (aka to keep giving it) means being available, for it’s for YOU first.

Let’s show our kids THIS version of a stand up kind of (self) love. Even as you sit here and think about doing it differently, they’re already better for it! 

#brandofwoman

#creativeheroine

There’s still so much to share (and maybe there always will be) about the vision quest ~ nine days, four days fasting, three nights and three days solo in the wild, no shelter…

I shared for about 40 minutes at the Greater Good Party Friday and I merely scratched the surface, but I cried in closing.

This particular share isn’t exactly or traditionally emotional, but it does feel simply or practically transformative.

What has come to mind as I drink water these last many weeks post quest is how awesomely engrained it is for me to now ask this question: do I need a snack of water? (I realize, of course, how much deeper the river runs beyond or beneath this question). 

The four days in nature drinking only water did even more for me than gift me this question, but it was big as I now realize how habitual eating can be when many times food is not what we’re/I’m hungry for. 

At least half the time pre-quest, I would grab for a bar to snack on between meals as habit, as something to enjoy or to keep me “busy” (not necessarily out of hunger — keep metabolism going, they say, too, so eat). But what I understand now that I wanted every other time was actually something else —

A walk.

A talk.

More honesty.

Greater purpose.

Water (all the above acting, of course, as a type of water ~ cleansing acts).

I think of the bars I’d reach for and though they were “healthy”, those with a few simple clean ingredients (upon further review, with a good dose of sugar in them, too), they were substitutes at times for other inner life-enhancing things. 

I think we all do this in one way or another: substitute to the thing that’s closest or easiest when what we want to munch on is deeper inside our souls.

My sugar intake pre-quest was already low, but it’s lower now because of the inquiry and learning that came from the time away from it all given to the longer conscious pause:

Do I need a snack of water? (I do drink a lot more water now).

And, the deeper question that came up on the mountain and every day since: 

What am I really hungry for?

What part of me do I get to connect or be closer to, more honest with? To express more?

I think it’s a valid question to ask for greater peace and success in so far as emotional life results (peace, fulfillment, self love) go: what are we really hungry for that we’ve been substituting with food (no matter how “healthy”), alcohol, working out, arguments, work, travel even or general busyness? 

What or who (inside) haven’t we sat with long enough to see and hear more deeply from them? And what haven’t we learned from THAT guru?

#youareyouronlyguru

#whatareyoureallyhungryfor

#visionquester

#creativeheroine

#brandofwoman