What it means to self-fish (+ my wish for our families)

I promised yesterday to share one of the other pieces I wrote while in the Caribbean and Miami.

I love that it's a little over a day to the beginning of the year too as I'm sharing this. It feels so right and so what I wish for all of us to create more of in the coming year: inner growth (that contributes to external growth), self-empowerment and more authentic transparency that connects.

Welcome to what it means to self-fish (+ my wish for our families).

Happy new year of life!

Through the good and tender tragic times of loss, true love is defined by finding new ways to be and bend together.

I've found that to bend in family, however, one must tend to the soil known as Self first.

The arms of our tree of life can break going for the embrace if we haven't yet embraced
the personal growth opportunity that comes when a new normal, gradually or rather abruptly, presents itself.

Enjoy soothing yourself. Swim in this selfish practice, madly and deeply. (I like the visual of self-fishing ~> fishing for the ultimate expression of the soul, for the healing of our hearts so we may love others, madly, deeply, and, as if by mere accident, aid in their healing too.)

I have found, especially after losing my 22-year-old brother Dino a year and a half ago, that everything around us works much better when we self-fish first.

Stay curious and ask lots and lots of questions to all parts of the genius inside you.

Make it your life's play to understand yet another (and another and another) corner of your brain [how and why he normally puts things together as he does], and another (and another and another) nook of your heart [the way she connects past wounds to the different emotions she’s currently feeling] and, with as little judgment as possible, decide how to chip away at what isn't in alignment with your ultimate vision of life, family, motherhood and of your loving leadership.

Picture taking mindful time to build a new wing off that section of your mind or heart…or, like a martini, straight up shake it up and evolve it.

Two, three or five percent will do. Next time, another two, three or five. Simple math says it all adds up to the ability of being observer rather than sufferer.

Keep going, keep saying yes to a life of love, of internal riches.

The more we do, the more energy we'll find to love, to forgive, yet a level deeper and live brighter than we thought possible, despite our heartbreak or brand of temporary loss.

Life is sweet. She has no problem waiting for us to finally sink our roots deeper into her tall, leggy truth, but, why wait:

~~> Happiness, the kind that sticks around, way longer than that yoga class, will always depend on you.

No one can/will make you happy. Others simply contribute to what's already there, so we want to make sure that reserve is close to full.

Meet the teachers and get the tools you need (that you don't even know you also *want*) to do the work before you're forced into it.

And the leggy truth continues, and you've heard it many times before, everything will continue to happen for us, not to us.

What will you learn about Self that you already knew or knew too little of?

Swim deep, do more: dissect your tendencies, hear what your habits are attempting to show you, understand the ways you show love and wish to be loved. Learn to love up on your patience and the act of letting go.

Survey it all, asking, do I wish to keep this as a part of who I am or do I desire to release it now?

And we can't forget to make a date with acceptance.

True growth can't make its way through to the gorgeous green leaves of your branches without it.

When we accept what's happened, no matter how excruciatingly difficult, we also accept ourselves as the raw, richly complex and imperfect beings we are. The dirt we grow up from holds the true fertile wisdom of self-love.

Acceptance has been most real (difficult) for me this year. Acceptance that Dino's not coming back and acceptance that, as a family, we've changed.

But everything changes, I whisper to myself, wiping wetness from my cheeks, everything.

My wish for all families as we head into 2015 (and, really, where I was meant to land with this sharing all along) is this:

I wish for you what I've wished for my beautiful family since that May day: let us not deal with change but heal with change. It's the only constant.

(((All my love and a New Year's hug)))

As I said at the beginning, happy new year of LIFE.