Tag Archives: Michelle Ghilotti

Who I Give Affection To

The world has not slowed in its trouble, dis-ease or challenge. 

There’s a lot ON which means there’s a lot ON in our kids’ inner world, whether they’re talking about it or not.

In Western society, the norm often feels like delegating our offspring onto others, something to the tune of “they have friends, they’ll get the help or conversation they need there”, or let’s send them off to a therapist or school will help or maybe it’s time to pop a pill (btw, all of which are perhaps perfect or part, depending on the situation, child or person)…but it/they are not the only things or people our younger humans need. None can do the big and beautiful job alone of loving our kids.

And none of it is a substitute for what you & I can do to keep them feeling connected to themselves through their connection with US (through our seeing of them ~> communication & affection, specifically).

What our kids need most is for us to be part their medicine/part their ‘therapy’ & it means this ~> embark on the healing journey with them because you, too (we) are all healing all the time. That’s what life is! 🙂

Which means — talk to them & give them affection. Even when they don’t want to talk. Even when it seems like they do not the want the physical expression of love.

This doesn’t necessarily mean ask a ton of questions, but storytell…tell them about you & what’s happening right now (we learn the human emotional & social things from our parents, even as we get much older), tell them stories, too, that are joyful that have nothing to do with what’s happening right now and tell them lots of stories of how you have made it through hard times, stress, grief & anxiety.

“I know this is a tough time (for you) & we’re going to get through it. I’m here for you” also goes a long way. 

Affect them by showing them affection. All forms of touch are silent gifts that help ailments & move us toward all sorts of healing.

Mainly — sharing, storytelling & affection are ways for us to show them this ~> compassion, and most of all, I think what happens when we engage in these things is that we express to them they are not alone (say those words!) & THAT can be everything.

Even if they’re quiet or they say that they don’t want it or need it, whether that is conversation or a hug, they’re right. They don’t need IT, they need both!!! 

Keep. Doing. It. Keep talking. Keep rubbing their backs or giving them spontaneous hugs.

Any reluctance you feel to do it (any of the above), to talk or bring anything up…to get close etc is part YOUR healing. Though we cannot fix this or that for them, we can begin to “fix” modeling or nurturing emotional security. Do this by normalizing how much our families talk and physically connect with one another.

Let’s make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…

To the best of the rest of your life!

Life is good.

My 5am DJ Job

My 5am DJ Job

I’d rather not leave anything for later. 

I would say this even goes back to choosing to be a DJ in college for, wait for it, the 5a show on Sundays.

I don’t have to tell you why that was a horrible time, but it wasn’t a horrible idea. 

I wanted to, so I did (I wanted the experience and so…I had it).

The same goes for everything else…I’d rather not leave it for later, not because there won’t necessarily be a later, but because I want the **experience** of life, not just a life. 

In this very living room, I have held similar thought and posture welcoming clients to retreats or day sessions, as well as welcoming those 35 or so in attendance each time into many a Greater Good Party where we discussed this very thing each time in new ways:

What’s on the back burner of your life right now (maybe for a year, five or 10 years too long) that needs to be moved to the front burner?

Do it…

Do it now, so you don’t have to do it later (efficiency) and so your later days benefit from the doing of it in the now. 

Today is a ladder to your joy, fulfillment, healing and full creative power. 

When you do things now, both today *and* tomorrow both greatly benefit…

Let’s make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…

To the best of the rest of your life!

Life is good.

I’ll Love You If (How We Were Parented?)

I’ll Love You If (How We Were Parented?)

This is how many of us were parented:

I’ll Love You If (How We Were Parented?)

I’ll love you if…

— if you’re not too loud, 

— if you achieve in this or in that way, 

— IF and only if you make me happy.

I’ll Love You If (How We Were Parented?)

Love that has conditions is actually called by another name…it is not free and does not make our children feel that way.

I’ll Love You If (How We Were Parented?)

Love is expansive (not expensive), has wings (not weights) and gives them (wings) too.

Let’s make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…

To the best of the rest of your life!

Life is good.

“I Am Not Afraid To Die” (She Said)

It’s not the dying, it’s the saying goodbye to you…

For Dino’s birthday last month, I had special people over for dinner who have intimately known my life since he and my Mom passed.

That night, the invitation was to bring a written piece about life or death to share. 

Mine had one main theme to it and this is a partial share below, maybe you’ll resonate with the sentiment ~


“I am not afraid to die, it’s just that one devastating moment of saying goodbye…to you. 

How could this be over for us, for our friendship and for our great love affair already? 

This is why I will die…because emotionally I will not ::ever:: be done loving you.”

Feel this about your relationships or want to feel this way? 

Lean in. Even if it hurts, and especially when it does, lean in. 

Clear your own bullsh*t (best thing you can do for your relationships). Know everyone is doing as much as they know how with what they have emotionally available to them. Have the conversations. Give people a second and a third chance. And also, let them go. 

Let’s make it hurt at the end for only this reason ~ because we have so fully loved.