Human’ing Vs. Parenting

Human’ing. Different from parenting. 

The truth is (I’ve come to this again and again over the last year as Nolan begins to more deeply experience teenage life)~> I’m a parent second, and a human first and it’s THIS person I want Nolan to know (especially now), to, in turn, know that most true person inside himself.  

I may want it, but I don’t need him to know his role or identity as a son as much as I deeply desire for him to know the role and responsibility that he has to himself (high truth). 

That’s how much I love him.

                             …

Parenting. That’s where we stay close, like a watchful bird, helping them reach something, feeding them a few times a day to make sure they physically grow, creating boundaries or rules that play at keeping them from hurting themselves (of course, there’s emotional teachings here, too, but the core is made up each day of the former). 

Human’ing. This feels like the evolution of this very important role of keeping them safe — alive — to connection and prioritizing that they grow emotionally and spiritually; to having planted seeds when they were young, maybe, that might mean that now at their most tender ages, they feel able (comfort-able) to USE us as those humans first & parents second who have had experiences with like and love and letdowns (of course, there may also be guidelines about safety and other rules, too, but the days carry more of the weight of larger life lessons and relat-ing…relationship). 

In essence, human’ing says: use us as the built-in therapists or healers we are (as their nurturers we come with deeply healing powers). 

This doesn’t mean we have all the “right” answers, but it does mean we make the right decision to take the time at 10:49pm when we wanted to go to bed at 10pm to tell them you understand, to talk to them about your own experience with that same issue and sit with them. And sit. And sit.

I’m here with you — not just physically, but I’m here AND over there with you as a human who knows, I really know, my sweet love.

Our love for our kids ~ is there another deeper or more able healing power?  

Use us, use us, we say…see me, see me as a human for then you will see that you are never ever alone.  

So how do we encourage young adults to let us in? So we can help them through the normal stuff we all go through at this stage? And so we can all feel less alone and us as parents experience the closeness we always envisioned — as well as having THEM truly enjoy what it feels like to know their parents, really know their HUMAN parents.

As individuals (and as families), we are different, but our humanness is the same and it’s that thick gold thread-turned-rope that sustains deep and everlasting connection, the kind that can sail over the roughest waters. 

We want those who love us to sit with us and sit some more (true at any age), to more deeply and genuinely SEE us.

That’s it and it’s a lot.

#alot