Six Ways (6) to Understand Self Love (number 4 is mine)

When gurus talk about giving yourself self-love and not being so hard on yourself (ever wonder what they mean exactly?), here’s a more tangible look at what they mean:

1. When you are less than who you know yourself to be (when you screw up), love yourself enough to own up to it. That’s self-love even if it doesn’t immediately sound or feel like it. Whenever we see that what is happening “to us” is ABOUT us and about that something inside we haven’t grown or expanded emotionally to fill or healed yet, we love ourselves most.

Responsibility hurts way less than resistibility. When you get into a practice of things hurting you less, you’ve found a zone of self-love. Keep following that feeling.

2. That said, stop apologizing so much. Be more precise with your words and own up by having purposeful conversations AND, let’s face it, sorry or SORROW isn’t always what you mean. Sometimes “I’m sorry” is the meaningful, divine and direct response and sometimes it’s unloving to self.

You needn’t ever apologize for taking up space, for speaking your truth in love or for bumping another human in yoga class. Next time you want to say I’m sorry, pause and see if another expression or touch of humor isn’t more exact and loving — to both of you. 

3. Whatever the specific grievance is around what someone else hasn’t done or isn’t doing for you, bring the focus back once again to YOU and get out or go IN and give that to yourself.

Be relentless about giving yourself the respect, flowers, admiration, exciting trips, hot tea, date nights, massages and attention you love. 

4. Remember that everyone is naked. In other words, EVERYONE is imperfect. Your friends, neighbors, family, and mentors all have issues and problems RIGHT NOW they aren’t necessarily talking about (and frankly don’t have to for you to feel the love that comes in accepting that in your imperfections your growth (and sexiness!) lies). The most attractive and emotionally strongest you’ve ever been is when you’ve surrendered to emotion and let yourself be seen in the mess, the slip or the fall and allowed others to give to you.

As a “strong” woman, I’ve never felt more soft and more loved by yours truly as when I’ve cried and ASKED girlfriends, in no uncertain terms, for support through my grief journeys and new normal as of late.

5. Don’t monitor what you want to say when it’s in service to your expression or growth of your art, your values OR your love for someone, especially when that someone may be someone who others disapprove of.

Self-love comes in following what our hearts say EVERY TIME and loving others fiercely especially when it’s the unpopular thing to do. 

6. When nervous to speak in front of a room or in front of ONE person in a conversation you know needs to be had, repeating the words “I own my energy and no one else’s, I own my energy and no one else’s, I own my energy and no one else’s” while you love yourself enough to breathe deeper and deepest is soothing and loving to the nervous system who has done her best to be with you on this long, wild ride. The truth is that this kind of nervousness is not necessarily always aboutUS.  Many times, it’s about what we think will be conjured up in THEM. In other words, spending too much time thinking about what they’re going to think or how you’ll look in their eyes or the space you’ll take up in their minds takes you out of your heart.

When you’re taken out of your heart and transported into your head, self-love feels really, really far away. And it is.

The higher vibration (of LOVE) brought on by these practices is how you’ll know it IS love, she/he, your truest love. . .

Much love, Creative Heroine!

Enjoy your business, enjoy your life!

Life is good,

Michelle Ghilotti
Couture Brand Creator & Success Coach

p.s. The waitlist for the CEO Changemaker mastermind is open!

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