Creating YOUR Life in Mid-Life

I’ve had two things alive in me the last couple weeks, and they can be summarized in the (my) friendship experiment and inside my relationship with my life coach (it’s not who you think it is). 

If you’ve been my friend or following me for any length of time, you know that I’ve talked about both of these as true and present (or as truth) in my life…

One thing that has continued to add to my joy, wanderlust as well as my healing has been diving back into my friendships in a way that I didn’t take or feel I had as much time to when Nolan was very young (I did nurture close friendships, for sure, but not in as conscious of a way as I’m doing it now, ahem, after two tragic deaths *and* with Nolan off to college in four years, poof).

I think some or many of us fall off the best friend wagon a little bit (or a lot bit) when we become mothers. In fact, I remember when Nolan was two or three years old saying to a couple friends: “I used to be such a good friend…calling, planning things and generally being so available….”

But with the joys and fullness of motherhood (boy did I love (and still DO love) being just with Nolan and Josh!), Nolan’s neurological issues (the stress that brought) and running a business that was growing fast, both on the freelance and entrepreneurial side, my focus and awareness was elsewhere — was right there, right here, with each of those things/people.

Once my brother and mom died, six and four years ago respectively, I was also, once again, focusing more on all the parts of me that needed me, as well as the parts of my immediate family and family of origin that needed me, too.

But for the last two plus years or so, it‘s felt amazing to recommit and feel, truly feel, a commitment or devotion through the actions taken to dive into my female relationships in a renewed way. #friendshipexperiment 

To fly or drive to them, to host them, to gather them, to plan with them, to cook or clean for them, to mail gifts or cards, to keep an ongoing conversation through text, email or phone (as much as you can anyway with still full lives), to help them inside their own healing, to listen more intently, to prioritize lunches, dinners, adventure, trips, or good cries — to make them important (are they ever) and, therefore, continue to make the most important flow, female-centric parts of my own self important, too. 

There’s an ebb and flow with the number of hours we all have, of course, but overall, I’m happy to be more aware now, as I was years before, of how these relationships feed me and how I, too, feed them.

There is nothing quite like the deep bonds created and nurtured with female friends. And I’ve had the pleasure to keep dear friends from all parts, all moves and all seasons to plug into and be the plug for, too.

Side story: I remember one of my first longer trips when Nolan was in kindergarten or younger, when he asked me why I had to go (he was sad).

I brought him close and hugged him, then asked him an important question back. Nolie, what’s your favorite part of school? (I knew his answer). 

Recess, he said. 

Yeah, recess is so fun! See, when mama goes on a work trip or out with a friend, I told him, that’s part her recess, just like enjoying time with you is. 🤸🏽‍♂️ I’ll be back sooo fast and I LOVE bringing home my silliest self…don’t I come back from my trips even more silly? 

His response: yeahhh…(mood had lightened a bit). 🥰

As #mylifecoach got on in years and definitely now at 14 (have learned books and books and soul and soul from this guy), I’ve done even more traveling, both with friends and on my own, personally and for work.

I joked with Josh this morning that once Nolan gets just a tad bit older and starts going to parties though and/or starts driving, my mama heart and body will want to stay put more. I can feel it already. 

Another thing I‘ve realized talking to good friends inside this same season is how much more “parenting“, or should we call it nurturing, listening, creativity and attentiveness (but boy that creativity inside these teenage years!), I get to tap into during this independent and more internal age. 

I love it and I wouldn’t have it any other way, AND I laugh with friends — gosh, as parents, if we thought family (or our own individual replenishing time) was important back in the day or if we thought we were keeping them alive and happy at nine months old or two years old, this is a new penthouse level. ♥️

I’ve come to know this deeply, too, for both myself, my friends and my clients: each of us at this stage (or best **before**) needs to begin or *continue* to consciously and consistently create our own lives and heed callings, whatever that may mean to us, so that when they leave, we don’t feel…left…

We birthed them to let them eventually go, but no one told us, hey, as you enjoy them and help *them* create their own lives, create your own thing and your own individual life, too, but that’s exactly what’s important — exactly.  

When they leave, that’ll be a time of a brand of grief and of our own looking inward time, but the more we HAVE an internal life, having gotten to know ourselves, our passion(s), have a vision, *relationships* and a community built, the more they, the “kids”, will continue to learn from us and the more WE will feel settled, grounded and excited for the new relationship ahead with our new (and they will be awesomely new) adult kids.

Josh and I went to a group meditation this morning while our guy, the world’s citizen, was fast asleep and as we drove there, all I could think was this ~ I’m grateful for the experience of this life and of getting to know myself, my child, my female relationships and my husband in a way that feels like at the end of my life, I will say, that was good, I’m glad I did that…I’m glad I made those choices and gave myself the gift of nurturing each relationship, the one with myself always included, as they each needed to be nurtured and when and how it felt so right. 

#friendshipexperiment

#mylifecoach

#brandofwoman

#creativeheroine

Make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…enjoy your business, enjoy your life!

Life is good,

 

 

 

Michelle Ghilotti
Success Designer, Brand Activator & Social Entrepreneur 

Renewing Vows to Family

The other day as Nolan and I were filling the honey jar with with our intentions for how we want to continue stepping into our relationship, one that is changing rapidly, I realized something.

As I was mid sentence writing “..supporting each other as we each continue to grow and change”, it struck me that we (society) talk so much about our kids changing and growing (we plan for it, pay for it, expect it and comment on it all the time), that we hardly acknowledge the fact that, we too, are changing or that we’d *like* to change/learn more or be different/evolve — in essence, not be the same we were yesterday. 

We also hardly acknowledge how much we can actually do something different with our kids than what was done with us and share (more) with them around how we, too, wish to shed a skin, learn, attempt, try…growwww (in July after my vision quest, Nolan saying, “Mama, over the last year, I’ve realized that you’re more than my mama” was a big realization of all of the above for me). That, in addition to other things, it’s invaluable to share and keep sharing!

I am you. You are me.

We are a family of humans figuring it out and on that note we are not ever just one thing or one title. 

Yes, as older or taller humans, we are still students, just as they are but we don’t act like it (we don’t act like students or share these student thoughts with them) very often, at least not so they can really hear or see.

In addition to being the one with more life experience and showing them the ropes or how to solve problems…

Let them see and hear you! 

Tell them you’re not sure!

Remind them they’re not the only one who is nervous!

Share genuinely when you feel you need support or how you, too, doubt or don’t have the words…

Today as compared to yesterday, for example, we may be the “same”, as in that someone with similar values to the previous self (or similar values, but, maybe, more deeply rooted now), but we are not the exact same in all the other ways there are to be a whole person. 

I am not the same person I was in this photo. Though the woman standing here, who renewed her vows to both husband and son (and son also read his “vows” to us, OMG ,so sweet) had very similar family values and a spiritual connection, much has shifted, cleared, been understood and NOT been understood…yet (-;.

As families, we should expect, talk about and make room for the entire family’s evolution and feel more connected as a result of leveling the playing/living field. 

May we, as parents, resist the urge to focus so much, too much and/or *only* on the child changing to having more conversations about how the entire family is changing because individually each person is wanting to do so and, also, without “trying” also naturally doing so…and yeay! Yeay that we are all similar in that way ~ that we are all making movement… 

Don’t leave yourself out of the change equation. We can help steward our kid’s growth by, yes, growing ourselves, but by also letting them see and hear us do it. 

How do you want to change or better yourself? What do you want to make a deeper commitment to learning? What is still part of the unknown for you? What more can you share about it all?

[Machu Picchu, 2014]

Make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…enjoy your business, enjoy your life!

Life is good,

 

 

 

Michelle Ghilotti
Success Designer, Brand Activator & Social Entrepreneur

 

My Thoughts About Parenthood (teenagehood! ❤️)

I looked over at him in the passenger seat 40 minutes ago and thought who is this young man coming to my house??

A couple weeks ago, Josh and I cleaned out the garage and put aside some of the most memorable young Nolan clothes and shoes in a box for him for when he’s older (we had originally saved even more for potentially another young someone, however, I knew early on that I felt complete with this guy).

I hadn’t shown Nolan these little adidas until we got home from school today (after having my ‘boy are things changing fast, HE is changing fast’ moment). He didn’t remember wearing them, of course, but he loved them and definitely wanted to save them. 💙

In other news, there really is something to what you start in their formative years sticking, specifically what you start or say or do with them consistently throughout years 0-7.

Last week, he didn’t blink an eye when I invited him to sage the funky energy in the room where he and I had just had a chat or when I told him about the gorgeous honey jar idea Deborah Harlow shared with a group of us at Zsuzsa’s…he was also game. 

He and I sat on the ground and wrote out our intentions for how we’d like to continue our close, yet naturally evolving relationship, then filled the jar with flowers and honey. Candle wax was next to seal in the sweetness of the relationship…of the relating ship. 🚢

Wherever this ship or train is going in the next three to four years before he leaves home and however much more he changes, I’m all in. I love this young man SO very much!

High school might be a learning curve for him, but boy is it also one for me. There’s this funny thing in parenthood…we get fooled at times in thinking that we are teaching them a thing or two, but, they, oh *they* are our teachers! 

#runandkeepup

Make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…enjoy your business, enjoy your life!

Life is good,

 

 

 

Michelle Ghilotti
Success Designer, Brand Activator & Social Entrepreneur 

Your High Calling (listen to this whisper)

Whatever it is that you do for work in this world, awesome, it’s so good *and* if something else is genuinely calling you to learn about or spend a significant time on, even if it feels outside of your industry, do it. 

It’s likely you’re attracted to it because the times are asking for it — plus, learning from (growing from) distinct industries isss part of what helps us uniquely grow personally or professionally. 

It’s called listening to the whisper, to purposeful learning or straight up purpose or the high call or calling. 

Anything that moves your heart and is “keeping up” with the times in terms of the emotional and spiritual needs of the human will not only make you better at what you do, but will likely help you understand humans and be a better one.

We need that (need you). 

That’s the high call for us all, really, to better ourselves.

Make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…enjoy your business, enjoy your life!

Life is good,

 

 

 

Michelle Ghilotti
Success Designer, Brand Activator & Social Entrepreneur