Where you find meaning, you find yourself.
Last week, Nolan and I sat on the edge of the soccer field at the high school he’ll be attending in August.
The sun was at our backs and the tone of the conversation was comfortable and friendly…it felt like I was speaking to a dear friend.
As it has many times, it felt good, and as he was sharing his thoughts with me, I felt so connected to him.
In fact, it was this conversation that made me realize that although everything is changing, more than it ever has in the previous 13-14 years (he speaks and walks like a man now and his physical “need” of us in many ways is way less — the emotional need I know is growing), the relationship life rings we’ve consciously created can or will stay, but it’s going to tug at me, asking me to find new ways to keep connecting with him…
The rings or branches may look or sway and act differently, but the connection is and will always be there. I know this intellectually, but emotionally, gosh, does it feel so different.
For the last year, I have been sharing with Josh that I was nervous…nervous that as Nolan got on in teenagehood (or life) that we might lose the special connection we’ve had for so long, but our conversation sitting here reminded me that though our connection will evolve (as anything does), that which has been found over and over again throughout a delicious relationship, can’t ever truly be lost.
Will it change and act like something new (or ask us as parents [and teen] to)? Yes.
Will it pull at my heartstrings and challenge the muscle memory I have of how things used to be and were for so, so long? Yes (it already has).
What I was also reminded of was that I have found such meaning in this relationship (it has taught me oodles about love and nurturing and about freedom and independence) — and maybe that’s what I’m scared to lose — not Nolan, but the meaning found in what it means to be a nurturer to a 0-14 year-old/pre high schooler (which is different than to a 14-28-year-old, for example).
I’m sitting in this inquiry ~ an interesting time of reflection and of finding new parts of me being stretched. I’m sure many of you can relate.
In telling Nolan that I wanted to take a photo to remember our chat, in the most subtle way, I also committed to continuing to ‘find myself’ by finding out more about the new him by ~> allowing things to shift and change and grow and go.
I felt for the longest time this distinct connection and pride in being “his mama” (I still feel that), but it’s never been more clear or understood in more of my cells that he’s “my teacher” — mmhmm, that he is!
Make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…enjoy your business, enjoy your life!
Life is good,