Grief Felt in Not Expressing Yourself!

My late brother Dino just celebrated a birthday…another in heaven.

This last January 6th if he were physically here and of this world still he would have been 28, but I’m clear that where he is today (a world in and of itself, just not this exact one), that he is younger and wiser. 

We all know that we reverse age, but that wisdom speeds there. (;

But, in the world where we sit writing or reading this post, we speak about wisdom as something that we access or grow into as we get on in physical years.

But wisdom is not age-dependent, it is light-inspired. As in, like children, how much light or de-LIGHT and LIFE can you let in? How open or expressive can you be?

Wisdom, as in, feeling more grounded, more sure of your road less traveled path and, generally, feeling less ruffled and more connected vs. disconnected, to family and community, is not so much something gained as it is something given to us souls, seeds and babies from the start that we are attempting to remember every day, passing year or with every relationship, again and again..

It’s no secret that Dino’s early passing (as well as my Mom’s) has changed me, that it’s quickly evolved the work I do and the focus or recommitment I have on relationships, community-building and helping others step into deeper meaning inside their chosen work, while also being able to speak and communicate themselves with sincerity, integrity and charisma — who they are and why they do the work they do.

Because loss isn’t felt solely when losing a loved one, it’s also felt when struggling with the inability to express ourselves fully (don’t hide being what everyone else expects of you), so, the expression/identity part is vital. 

Everything changed the day Dino was born (everything) and everything changed again the day he died (everything). 

I wrote my college essay on the changes a baby has on a teenage household and how beautifully this new little bundle brought everyone together in ways I (we) never expected. 

After he passed, I wrote (and wrote and wrote) many essays, too, but this time about how much losing that bundle changed the family and shaped choices forever…

Younger and wiser ~ 

We are all attempting to get there ~ to feel younger (alive, delighted and excited about life) and to feel a wisdom or peace/comfort inside our skin that signals we’re in the right place for us (not for anyone else, but for *us*) and we get to both by finding, or more, creating purpose.

It’s the conversation I have most these days with friends and clients ~ it’s what we all want to know. What is my purpose? How do I bring together my life and professional experiences to create something fresh and meaningful to me? How do I create more meaning inside what I consider my work or play?

In honor of our beloved Dino’s birth 28 years ago, what is my purpose…

What is my purpose? 

One answer: it lies both deep and on the surface of something known as your life experience. Follow that.

Another answer: you bring your life and professional experience together inside meaning by creating community or communities — bringing people together (better together).

What have you overcome? What has been the dominant story in your life or the life of your family? What pains you most about your past experiences, those that have made you UP (not broken you down) and how might you alleviate the suffering of those who will come after you?

Go find those people. 

Go find where that type of loss or heartbreak exists most. 

Sit with the people who are living a version of what you’ve lived and learned from. Or, sit with those whose situations may be wildly different than yours, but where the human feelings are all too similar (we’re all too similar). 

But most of all bring life or give life where you’ve felt death and create what you want to be a part of ~> community. Specifically or potentially a more enriching, honest, warm and impactful one. 

Whether that’s a new friend, a deeper friendship with an old friend, a not-for-profit *group* project, a for-profit conscious business idea, a book you know will bring people together from across the world, focus on the bringing people together part of the operation most. 

Community is what heals and where you’ll find yourself moved most ~ by the people. 

Create for them, write for them, speak for the joys and ailments that are ours, not just yours, his or hers. 

And if that doesn’t help you feel like you’ve created a path for more meaning in your life, take the creative space that’s been opened inside you as a result of what you’ve lived or who you’ve loved, and bring that story and open heart more decidedly to all projects, people and places you touch. 

Your story told more honestly to connect to one more person, inside one new project or in one new place is purpose. Yours.

Make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…enjoy your business, enjoy your life! 

Life is good,

Michelle Ghilotti
Success Designer, Brand Activator & Social Entrepreneur 

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