I’ve had two things alive in me the last couple weeks, and they can be summarized in the (my) friendship experiment and inside my relationship with my life coach (it’s not who you think it is).
If you’ve been my friend or following me for any length of time, you know that I’ve talked about both of these as true and present (or as truth) in my life…
One thing that has continued to add to my joy, wanderlust as well as my healing has been diving back into my friendships in a way that I didn’t take or feel I had as much time to when Nolan was very young (I did nurture close friendships, for sure, but not in as conscious of a way as I’m doing it now, ahem, after two tragic deaths *and* with Nolan off to college in four years, poof).
I think some or many of us fall off the best friend wagon a little bit (or a lot bit) when we become mothers. In fact, I remember when Nolan was two or three years old saying to a couple friends: “I used to be such a good friend…calling, planning things and generally being so available….”
But with the joys and fullness of motherhood (boy did I love (and still DO love) being just with Nolan and Josh!), Nolan’s neurological issues (the stress that brought) and running a business that was growing fast, both on the freelance and entrepreneurial side, my focus and awareness was elsewhere — was right there, right here, with each of those things/people.
Once my brother and mom died, six and four years ago respectively, I was also, once again, focusing more on all the parts of me that needed me, as well as the parts of my immediate family and family of origin that needed me, too.
But for the last two plus years or so, it‘s felt amazing to recommit and feel, truly feel, a commitment or devotion through the actions taken to dive into my female relationships in a renewed way. #friendshipexperiment
To fly or drive to them, to host them, to gather them, to plan with them, to cook or clean for them, to mail gifts or cards, to keep an ongoing conversation through text, email or phone (as much as you can anyway with still full lives), to help them inside their own healing, to listen more intently, to prioritize lunches, dinners, adventure, trips, or good cries — to make them important (are they ever) and, therefore, continue to make the most important flow, female-centric parts of my own self important, too.
There’s an ebb and flow with the number of hours we all have, of course, but overall, I’m happy to be more aware now, as I was years before, of how these relationships feed me and how I, too, feed them.
There is nothing quite like the deep bonds created and nurtured with female friends. And I’ve had the pleasure to keep dear friends from all parts, all moves and all seasons to plug into and be the plug for, too.
Side story: I remember one of my first longer trips when Nolan was in kindergarten or younger, when he asked me why I had to go (he was sad).
I brought him close and hugged him, then asked him an important question back. Nolie, what’s your favorite part of school? (I knew his answer).
Recess, he said.
Yeah, recess is so fun! See, when mama goes on a work trip or out with a friend, I told him, that’s part her recess, just like enjoying time with you is. 🤸🏽♂️ I’ll be back sooo fast and I LOVE bringing home my silliest self…don’t I come back from my trips even more silly?
His response: yeahhh…(mood had lightened a bit). 🥰
As #mylifecoach got on in years and definitely now at 14 (have learned books and books and soul and soul from this guy), I’ve done even more traveling, both with friends and on my own, personally and for work.
I joked with Josh this morning that once Nolan gets just a tad bit older and starts going to parties though and/or starts driving, my mama heart and body will want to stay put more. I can feel it already.
Another thing I‘ve realized talking to good friends inside this same season is how much more “parenting“, or should we call it nurturing, listening, creativity and attentiveness (but boy that creativity inside these teenage years!), I get to tap into during this independent and more internal age.
I love it and I wouldn’t have it any other way, AND I laugh with friends — gosh, as parents, if we thought family (or our own individual replenishing time) was important back in the day or if we thought we were keeping them alive and happy at nine months old or two years old, this is a new penthouse level. ♥️
I’ve come to know this deeply, too, for both myself, my friends and my clients: each of us at this stage (or best **before**) needs to begin or *continue* to consciously and consistently create our own lives and heed callings, whatever that may mean to us, so that when they leave, we don’t feel…left…
We birthed them to let them eventually go, but no one told us, hey, as you enjoy them and help *them* create their own lives, create your own thing and your own individual life, too, but that’s exactly what’s important — exactly.
When they leave, that’ll be a time of a brand of grief and of our own looking inward time, but the more we HAVE an internal life, having gotten to know ourselves, our passion(s), have a vision, *relationships* and a community built, the more they, the “kids”, will continue to learn from us and the more WE will feel settled, grounded and excited for the new relationship ahead with our new (and they will be awesomely new) adult kids.
Josh and I went to a group meditation this morning while our guy, the world’s citizen, was fast asleep and as we drove there, all I could think was this ~ I’m grateful for the experience of this life and of getting to know myself, my child, my female relationships and my husband in a way that feels like at the end of my life, I will say, that was good, I’m glad I did that…I’m glad I made those choices and gave myself the gift of nurturing each relationship, the one with myself always included, as they each needed to be nurtured and when and how it felt so right.
Make happiness your business by creating your authentic brand…enjoy your business, enjoy your life!
Life is good,
Success Designer, Brand Activator & Social Entrepreneur