Business

Hanging Onto Love (Something I Did After My Mom Died)

To making things special…

We’re at that age, I keep thinking. Hours ago I sent another friend/client my condolences on the loss of her beloved mom.

I then walked into my closet to change for dinner and was reminded of something I did to help my nervous system soothe, to continue to make things special (my Mom loved doing that) slash help me continue to create what feel like moments, maybe even special memories with my Mom, even though she’s not here.

How do you that, you might ask?

Well, there are many ways. One involves or has involved for me, hanging her clothes, now mine, on uniquely colored hangers so that when I see them, I take a moment, I pause… and so far, that’s what I do very often. It puts a pause in the rush of my day. I smile, my mood elevates or calms. It’s magical, really. I didn’t expect it.

My own clothes have hung on these pink hangers and so I chose white for hers.

I have quite a few of her clothes (she was taller but we wore just about the same size and our style was similar), so I have many creamy hangers flanking or saluting me when I walk into my closet.

It’s not so much the clothes or hangers that bring up the sweetness (although the clothes do help — I remember her wearing and loving a lot of these items), but more the tenderness around the decision that went into doing this in the first place, to making remembrance a daily thing (it’ll be three years in six days and she comes to mind, clothes, hangers or not, at least a few times per 24 hours).

I love that.

And I love her.

To all who have lost a mother (maybe even a couple mothers, biological or not), and no matter how long it’s been, my love, lots of it, to you and you and you.

Enjoy your business, enjoy your life! 

Life is good,

michelle-black-sig-md-light
Michelle Ghilotti
Success Designer, Brand Activator & Social Entrepreneur 

Sad Photos — Why Don’t We Take Them? (I Do)

Question Everything…

Why don’t we take photos of ourselves when we’re sad? (As an experiment, I started taking these shots over the last year, here and there, and have experimented with not adding filters to photos, as well…what will it feel like, I’d ask?).

Usually, the photo — the “selfie” — where we think we look beautiful, sexy or right is the one shared, but the other end of the range of emotion we keep from others or end up keeping to “deal with” in silent.

Why isn’t sad right or worth sharing…why haven’t you and I made it so so that a deeper connection is primo? I’m working this out for myself…

The other night as we watched the game at this fun pub in Dublin, I started to feel tears come up, a rush of emotion came over me.

At that moment, I realized that Nolan is the exact same age that my late brother Dino was (exact age) when he came to stay with us for a month in Amsterdam and we went to see England vs. Croatia (same teams) in the Euro Cup in Portugal.

You guys, it’s this exact moment again, but in another time and place and this time with my own child and not my baby brother.

But the energy is the same. There are even so many things in Nolan’s personality that remind me of Dino and have for the better part of five years.

How cool is that?

Beautiful and maybe even, “right” and shareable tears followed…

Here’s the thing ~ I sat at this pub watching the Irish fiercely cheering England on. Fiercely. And they are aptly adjacent. Many likely have England and the English in their lineage, however, it’s not their team, directly speaking.

In other words, why can’t we cheer sad on as the adjacent familial feeling to joy or the traditionally acceptable, seeing it as a part of us just as the Irish in the pub championed for England?

In other news, everything is temporary– as soon as I allowed myself to feel missing Dino, I was back to feel fully present and in joy with J & N. I won’t share those photos because I think you can picture them. (-:

If we allow the temporal, we allow LIFE.

And, question everything, but don’t question your authentic self…say, show or share what’s true for you.

Enjoy your business, enjoy your life! 

Life is good,

michelle-black-sig-md-light
Michelle Ghilotti
Success Designer, Brand Activator & Social Entrepreneur 

You Make People Uncomfortable (what someone told me)

 

You will make lots of friends, not make lots of friends and trigger lots of friends being yourself and sharing that self honestly (not to be confused with tmi), wherever you do that, on or offline [so Freda]. This is a story of the latter two.

It’s all good.

Your authentic expression AND your creativity are good and important and will always, indirectly or directly, be called into question, both by others and even (especially?) by you.

Step in line. Step back, they or you say to yourself.

Don’t inspire us (me) to feel, nor cause us (me) to get curious or question a n y t h i n g, the same or similar voice repeats.

Don’t share your real-ity, lie a little, let’s keep it light, for if not, we might actually feel connected, we may experience the reality of not being alone or even heal a little.

Clearly this is not as traditionally fun as the silly livestream last week sharing the story of how we got engaged, but it’s good and important, nonetheless.

Last night, someone in our extended family told me that with “how much you share” I likely “make people feel uncomfortable.”

It wasn’t said with malice and was referring to how I share around death, my relationship(s), about motherhood, my kid and, generally, my thoughts and feelings around other life topics.

Not everyone can handle it or wants to handle it, I was told.

There are buttons and apps for that :-)), I said, and the truth is we can’t MAKE someone feel uncomfortable (another topic for another time, but let’s say that we make silent agreements with ourselves all the time…we say we won’t, no, we WON’T allow others to be themselves, to be comfortable in their own skin, no. we. won’t. If WE are not comfortable being who we are, who are they to? Who are they to be more fully expressed?).

Though I was genuinely happy to have this discussion as I’m well practiced in it (I get curious about things that flirt with triggering me *and*, I like to find out more around how other’s inner world’s work), I let it go almost as soon as the chat had started.

I always want to understand more fully and yet I knew at that exact moment, as I have in other similar moments, that it wouldn’t change who I am, what I do or how I see social media or ANY part of life as an opportunity to be the only version of me I know ~ the real one.

What’s personal is professional and what’s professional is personal in my world. That’s one way to say it, though there are many ways to say IT.

If I can only show you filtered photos of the smooth, flawless, non melasma skin I don’t have, or of the expensive food that most days is only simple food I can squeeze in between work or mom duties or only show you pretty bright eyes vs. my crying eyes isn’t truth, which, then, to me, isn’t sexy, exciting, interesting (or interested!).

Truth is sexy. Our range is interesting. Emotion and emotional is interest-ed.

I’ve also found it creates some incredible relationships and, at the end of the day, this or these are what make a life that was once good move to and stay at great.

Bottom line is this ~ there are no mistakes in life, even when they feel like that. The conversation wasn’t a mistake. Here I am sharing about it.

And our life’s work (mine being exactly that which is being called on to shift, change or turn the volume down on ~ > authentic expression and creating a more fully integrated brand and life) is no mistake either.

What you’ve been through and are going through that either triggers you or others that you find passion in or that you find you can’t or don’t stop talking about at dinners, on social media or late into the night with your partner at home is purposeful…keep sharing it — thank you for doing that (for continuing to share it and being only the you that you know yourself to be).

michelle-black-sig-md-light
Michelle Ghilotti
Success Designer, Brand Activator & Social Entrepreneur 

Brought Me to My Knees…

As mentioned in ‘my friendship experiment over the last 10 months’ livestream last weekend, I’ve let myself fall back into some of my deepest friendships.

It’s brought me to my knees in gratitude. And up lots of mountains (why not choose our own, physical or energetic? — I’ve talked a lot about this, how our greatest creativity can bring us to choosing our own challenges/”problems”, it’s what the #CreativeHeroine Experience was about).

It’s also found me dancing late into the night in places like Italy, laughing in spaces called Unicorn or to fields meeting friends’ donkeys. This conscious recommitment period has also inspired me to be better or more active friends with my parentals, to plan a trip with my Mom-in-law and recommit, generally, to daughterhood…

But it hasn’t all been travel, it’s also inspired me to make local friendships a lot more fun and spontaneous, to run (through airports after said late night dancing) and, lately, it’s found me napping on couches named “Lose All Ambition” because they (or is it the friendships?) are so comfortable and comforting.

Like many of us, my life these days needed less FB and IG filters or DMs, less distance, more real convos (r e l a t i o n s h i p s), and, specifically, a lot more direct flights, the DMs I enjoy most.

We can always create what we want to be a part of. And — we have so many people simply waiting for us to arrive or to, themselves, be invited [back to the foreground of our lives or into our hearts].

And we have so many people simply waiting for us to arrive or to themselves be invited.

Send the invite? Send yourself?

Enjoy your business, enjoy your life! 

Life is good,

michelle-black-sig-md-light
Michelle Ghilotti
Success Designer, Brand Activator & Social Entrepreneur 

p.s. If you didn’t catch my livestream on my way back from Alaska around my ten-month friendship experiment, HERE she is. 

p.p.s Watch this space for more information on something happening in my home in Los Angeles. The information will drop on July 16th!